Wednesday, October 12, 2011

lay my head down

I collect pillowcases. Used pillowcases. I want yours, if you are missing one, I probably stole it. If you gave me one that you had used for many years, I cherish it. Pillowcases are where you tossed and turned, where you dreamt, where you cried and recuperated. They might be the most intimate inanimate object in our lives.

So, I decided to make a pillowcase this week. All silk on one side, laying against it is ephemeral. And then on the other side, well ... me. I didn't think this through, I just well hellbent into headlong so to speak. But about halfway through I realized that this pillowcase is asking someone to sleep with me, and now I don't know if it's more bizarre to keep it or give it away.

anyway, more, less creepy pillowcases to come ...

Sunday, October 9, 2011

on unconditional love

What is love?

Of course, there is the arbitrary, age-old question of what kind of love? Let’s skip all that and move onto just one type: unconditional love.

I believe in it, I feel it, I believe there are those out there who feel that way towards me. But why? And how do you get it?

For those I love unconditionally, they earned it in some way. Some way that allows that to not be a condition. But, over time this adoration developed because that person shared their essential nature with me, they took chances, they fucked up, owned up, asked questions I would have never thought to ask myself which in turn exposed truths to me I sometimes didn’t want to know. Their being revealed myself to me, inadvertently.

There are common factors amongst this group of people. They are not family, I met them along the way. I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on them. Mostly I loved them from that first instance, irrationally and completely. They are not my lovers, they can handle me. They are hilarious, they don’t take the world or themselves too seriously, they are philosophers. They are afraid, but not too afraid to go ahead and do it anyway. They are all artists.

I would do anything for them, forgive them any trespass I can imagine them committing. For me to rescind that love, they would literally have do something so out of character that they were no longer themselves. Part of why this epic love came to be is because of the solidarity of their character.

I don’t know if unconditional love is real, I could shoot a thousand holes through my arguments here if I so chose to. But, if I’m to have faith in anything, this is what I choose to have faith in. I believe in these blood brothers and sisters, I give them my soul and my heart. I pledge to them to always have their back, to always love them for themselves. I thank them for my nourishment, and for my sense of what is real and mythical. 100% or nothing at all.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

since no one is reading anyways

margaret atwood:

This is a mistake,
these arms and legs
that don't work any more

Now it's broken
and no space for excuses.

The earth doesn't comfort,
it only covers up
if you have the decency to stay quiet

The sun doesn't forgive,
it looks and keeps going.

Night seeps into us
through the accidents we have
inflicted on each other

Next time we commit
love, we ought to
choose in advance what to kill.